Day 1

  I would like to start off by saying I am not writing for any other reason than trying to educate people whom are curious about fasting.  I have family & friends that have ask questions, so in recording my daily feelings/experiences my hope is to answer any questions they might have about the fasting experience.  To God be the glory....
  Anyone who grew up with me or has known me for a while knows that the first thing I do when I wake up is...EAT.  As soon as my feet hit the floor, they head straight for the kitchen.  Today the battle between spirit, will and flesh started, but really in the spiritual relm it's always raging.  As I write I am reminded of the battle I face daily in my mind.  The Devil has used things that have happened in my past to steal my sanity at times and take me down the road of depression and lack of self confidence ultimately effecting myself and my realtionships with people, mainly my spouse.  In fasting I know that the God I love so dearly with all my heart is going to release back to me the authority I have willingly let satin steal from me.  I know it is not His will that I stay on the path I have been on and I surrender all to Him.  I am one to try and fix things on my own, in my mind I am the one who can do it if I try really hard.  In this if I fail it is my fault and no one elses.  I have been trying to do things on my own for years now and have gotten No WHERE!  I have been in ER's over and over thinking I am having a heart attack due to stress...I am sick of it, I know that I can get me no where.  I don't understand why in certian situations I can have complete faith in God and others I lack it & let things eat me up & feel like I can handle the situations on my own.  I am tired of the garbidge in my life and family...I want the Lord to empty me of all the trash I have in me, my family & my life...
  This morning it was hard to get out of bed.  1st thing I took a shower and tried to avoid the kitchen as long as I could.  Though before leaving for church the kids wanted to fix a sandwitch to take for after service.  As I opened the refridgeratior I could feel the salavia get think in my mouth, but I was o.k. and made it through the sandwitch making.  I had a glass of water and sat quitely during our one hour ride to Free Chapel.  Service was wonderful as usual.  It's always helpful to know thier are lots of people experiencing the same thing as you at the same time, so in being there knowing most others were fasting made the 2nd meal of the day easier to get through.  I had an orange juice on the ride home and took a nap upon arrival.  When I woke up it was like a roaring lion who hadn't eaten in days...I was ill and hungry, I knew it was comming upon the last meal of the day & I wouldn't be getting it, but still have to make it for the kids.  For me that is the hardest part of this fast.  Being the cook for the kids.  I remember last year having such a tough time, but it was worth it.  I would do it again, which is why I am.  I would say that this will become something our family does every year from now own.
  In our fasting journal we are reminded...pray and stay in God's word, drink lots of water, expect(headaches, hunger pangs, and cravings for food, sugar, & caffine), and to play praise and worship music as much as possible.  Part of the fast is to be careful what you let in your mind(TV, music, thoughts) and body, and also to refrain from speaking negatively or gossiping about anyone.  The journal also asks what our personal reasons for fasting are & asks if we desire a sensitivity to the things of God, and as I stated in yesterdays entry I want to get closer to the Lord, knowing Him on a higher more intimate level.  I want to hear His voice in all I do & know His will.  I want 2b sensitive to Him & be obedient.   I want all the trash taken out of me and my home...anything that is not of Him out, gone...I want my edge back, I want back everthing the devil has stolen from me & even past family members, I am crying out for justice.  Today in our journal we are ask to make a spiritual "hit list"..and keep praying for these people in our lives during the fast.
   As the day draws to an end as I am writing and slowly sipping & enjoying my broth, I come to see and realize the good fight of faith isn't easy.  It's a choice, to go against the current and not care what people say about you.  It's about staying true to what you know beacuse the Lord has revealed it to you.  It's not about fitting in anymore...we aren't in highschool anymore.  It's about being dramaticaly different and not fitting in to the world and all it's doing...it's about staying true to God and knowing without a doubt that he loves us and has no desire to harm us, but above all to see us prosper and be in good health, even as our soul prospers(3 Jn. 1 &2).  I want change, major change in my life & I am trusting the only one who can get it done to do it...my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ...the Great Physician, Wonderful, Mighty, Counselor....